Importance of Learning to Forgive

When we forgive someone, we perform a double action: we apologize to the other for the mistake or offense that he committed towards us and, at the same time, we free ourselves from the feeling of resentment. It is an act of generosity and of selfishness.

We are being generous because we minimize the importance of the offense received and offer a second chance and, in parallel, we are being selfish in the best of ways, because we make the decision to let go of inner resentment, which is a feeling that makes damage. In short, the fact of forgiving is good for the other and for oneself.

A way to heal wounds

if between two people there is a conflict accompanied by reproaches and mutual offenses, this situation will foreseeably lead to a feeling of resentment for one of the two parties or for both. In others words, an emotional wound is produced. For that wound to heal, forgiveness is necessary.

When we forgive, we express the will to re-establish a bond and we try to prevent an event from the past from contaminating the future. However, this does not mean that the offense is forgotten, since what has happened cannot be erased from memory. The act is sincere and authentic as long as it is not accompanied by an internal resentment.

When there is forgiveness, there are generally two protagonists involved: the one who offends and the victim of an offense. The victim can freely decide if she offers her forgiveness.

Sometimes, it is the offender who asks the victim for forgiveness. In the latter case, the request should be accompanied by sincere repentance and the will to repair the damage caused.

an ethical dilemma

Can a rape victim be expected to offer her forgiveness to the rapist? Is any type of offense excusable? Does it make sense to ask for forgiveness if Is one not truly sorry for his actions? Should the action of forgiving be accompanied by some conditions or should it be totally unconditional?

These questions remind us that forgiving implies an ethical dilemma that is difficult to solve.

The example of Nelson Mandela

For twenty-seven years Nelson Mandela was in prison for opposing the system of racial segregation in South Africa. When he finally got out of prison he did not propose revenge against those who had deprived him of his freedombut he forgave them.

His personal example was decisive in reestablishing the coexistence and peace in his country.

Image. Fotolia. Andrei Popov